Cold Wax

[Hallanole]

>All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
easy,
>painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the
>wax.
>
>My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
>play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in

>my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out

>of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the
>bathroom.
>
>It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you

>just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel
>them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull
>the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm
>not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
>
>(YA THINK!?!)
>
>So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
>stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so

>I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"
>
>yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it

>tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it
>wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am
>She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin
>extraordinaire.
>
>With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I
sneak
>back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
>
>I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same
>procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini
>line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to
the
>inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and
>brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
>
>I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision
>returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
>
>CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and
>spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear
>crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
>
>I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused
>me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in
>the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
>
>There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
>
>Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the

>hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.
>
>CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which
is
>now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
>
>Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up

>on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
>
>DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door.
>
>*hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!
>
>I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
>think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may
>pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts
>wax!!!
>
>I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,
immerse
>the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it
>off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!
>
>I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
>torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
>
>Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together
>is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the
>tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
>
>So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had
>cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!
>
>God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone

>put in the bathroom!!!!!
>
>I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
>secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter -

>"So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
>
>There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal

>but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know
exactly
>where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?"
>
>She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown

>and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!!
>
>Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
>
>While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off

>with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies
>covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and

>then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
>
>By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm

>pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this

>event.
>
>My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
>grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I
>really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
>
>The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
>friend.
>
>It's sooo painful, I but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!" I

>get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
>
>I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
>grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!
>
>So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
>
>Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
>
>Next week I'm going to try hair color......

[betasoldier]

Oh... my..... god.....

Wow, that was something I did not need to know.

However, mean and truthful I am so....

[Anger]

I was sitting reading that in work and laughed out loud at several points. The guy Im working with probably thinks im weird, but I don't like him much and couldn't give a shit what he thinks of me.


To say a story like that was unexpected here would be understating it slightly, but it made me laugh so its all to the good.

[Rangerr]

This forum is boldly going places it has never been before and that scares me.

This reminded me of an article in Maxim or Playboy or something, it was about a guy and his ball waxing experience. That poor ignorant bastard.

[TheLoneTerran]

Maybe I should mention this didn't happen to her, but this is something she got in her email?

[BigBossMonkey]

Wow....

[Gunther]

Maybe I should mention this didn't happen to her, but this is something she got in her email?

TheLoneTerran is now "Master of the Obvious"!!!
Yea, the little ">" on the edges of where each line starts kind of gave that one away.

[TheLoneTerran]

Maybe I should mention this didn't happen to her, but this is something she got in her email?

TheLoneTerran is now "Master of the Obvious"!!!
Yea, the little ">" on the edges of where each line starts kind of gave that one away.

Ahh SWEET! Do I get a trophy???? Oh plz, oh plz. Oh wait, better yet...a cookie!!! Mmmmm....cookies.

[Anger]

Maybe I should mention this didn't happen to her, but this is something she got in her email?

TheLoneTerran is now "Master of the Obvious"!!!
Yea, the little ">" on the edges of where each line starts kind of gave that one away.

>Actually
>I type like this
>all the time.


>to: Gunther
>from: Anger
>CC: Enforcers Members
>Subject: No Idea

[FloobieDoobie]

Waxing is still better than having jungle bush. I'm definitely not a fan of jungle bush, I like a landscaped bush.
The 70's porn is the worst, all the women had a carpet thick enough to wipe the mud off your boots. And they wore the tight pants that gave them muff bump from all the bush!